Oh the complications of life!

Over the past weeks, it has often crossed my mind on things I wished to share here in my really needing to be updated blog. However, when the time comes to do so, I often forget. These moments are always captured when I am having a shower or doing something else, and I am not so discplined as to write it down the moment I think of it. So this time, since my thoughts came right when I am in front of my lappy, I did not need any other motivation to come here and blog. 

I should be working. This is usually the time I work.  Looking for new handbags to feature, or repost some bags I want to sell and so on.  But I guess for one night, I can take a break from that and do this instead. 

What spurred on my thoughts were actually me looking at a customer's blog. She had featured me or rather put up a feed on CoachnMuchMore (how sweet of her) and I got a chance to meet her today and she seemed like such a lovely person. Later on she emailed me her blog and I started reading it. Then I clicked on one of the blogs on her Blog Lists and stumbled upon a post about how this blogger had felt bad that she had said some things about her in laws and then later felt sorry she had said them and mentioned that she deleted the post.  She got quite a few comments after that telling her she should not feel bad and that we are all human and need to vent. A few said when we marry someone we not only marry the man but the whole family as well. So that spurred my thoughts. 

Now while a lot of Asian families feel this to be true, and I know somewhere somehow in religion they tell us that we need to love our in laws the way we love our parents, I find this something that is quite difficult to swallow.  The more I read about marriage and the more I listen to stories and the more I learn as I grow older, the more reasons why marriage doesn't seem like the brightest idea after all.  When you're young you think that's what you want. When you're in your 20's you're looking for real love.  Then now I just feel like, "Ok, wait a minute. I think there's a lot here which people have been hiding from me and I am slowly discovering it and I am sorry but I am FREAKING OUT!"  Yes, that really is how I feel. It just seems so much more complicated than the Happily Ever After ending I was led to believe it would be. No, seriously!  I mean I thought meeting someone who was Godly, kind, generous, honest, open, understanding, compassionate, gentle etc was hard enough.  Now I have realised Ooops! It doesn't even end there.  Now I have to love my in laws too.  And I have to deal with ugly fugly bad habits like cups left in the sink and not washed, an untidy living room, things left here and there, laundry sitting unwashed, laundry sitting unfolded, washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, washing up after, ants, cockroaches, nosy MILs, snobby siblings, and so much more!  What is it like for you married people out there?  And what on earth do you do when little bambino comes along? It's like adding insult to injury isn't it?  Is it all really worth it just so you can be satisfied having the knowledge that you can have sex whenever you want it? (Some I hear aren't even getting it all that often after marriage). So what's the dealio? Seriously, I am freaked out. 

I read about how some Muslim wives have to endure 4 hour sleep nights and then wake up to cook for Sahur during puasa month.  Then rush back to cook for Buka Puasa, because this is what a good wife is supposed to do.  I am sure in other cultures there are some similar type of expectations as well. One guy who took me out on a date was disturbed I didn't know how to use chopsticks and slyly implied that because my name ended with "Tan" I need to learn so I can use it during dinners and functions.  I can't handle it. I can't handle these types of expectations, not because I am spoilt or whatever, but I just wasn't brought up to believe when I get married I need to be somebody's slave & follow somebody else's way of getting things done. AND I don't believe having money so we can hire a maid is the solution to that either.  I refuse to accept that money is the solution to all problems, bcos what happens when and if the money is gone? Do you kill each other or shoot the other and hang yourself? Get a divorce? Start sleeping in seperate rooms? Say sarcastic things that hurt just to get a point across? If you use money to temporary be the solution to problems in your relationship, I can guarantee that relationship isn't much of a relationship after all. I am sure deep down inside these people's hearts they know it too. :( 

Ok so what was I saying....oh yes, expectations.  Yea if these expectations weren't enough to scare me, here comes MIL who thinks her son is God's gift to women.  I should be so lucky her son even likes me.  So conclusion? I must be his personal aid, assistant aka slave. Any difficult duties, don't ask him.  Any hard labour, let's not kacau him. So what? I am suddenly WonderWoman and CatWoman rolled into one is it? RIDICULOUS.  I think in laws should stay out, butt out and most importantly KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT. 

OK what's next, the expectation that women are supposed to do it all and smile.  So where do men get of thinking going to work and coming home is enough? Sometimes I feel some men just don't realise there is actually a whole lot of other chores need to be done. And if they're not doing it, then who is? I wonder if they ever gave a thought to that.  Then bambino comes along and who stays up late for the feeds? Who goes back to work after 2 months of maternity leave eventhou your body may not be ready for it? Who is still expected to uphold a decent household, with the newly added task of nuturing Bambino, while taking care of hubby AND taking care of her looks so he still finds her sexually attractive? HONESTLY, this does not a pretty picture paint. 

Yet why do people do it? Loneliness? Social Expectation? Family pressure? Peer pressure? Wanting a child? Wanting a legacy? and of course the most overrated reason..................... LOVE? And yet of all the reasons, I think LOVE still wins hands down.  I can understand loving someone so deeply that it makes you want to spend yr life with them.  But I honestly hope and earnestly pray that the person really loves you back so much that they actually SHARE life with you and not contribute to even more expectations once the fairy tale wedding is over.  I really really hope that he will be so understanding and compassionate towards what it really means to be a woman that he truly dedicates his life to making you happy.  

What depresses me is I think if I took a poll of 50 women from my pool of customers, I am not sure I would honestly receive a response of even 10 of them truly and honestly without reservation telling me that they really married such a man.  A man who puts them first in everything and truly loves them with all his heart and mind and soul.  A man who is respectful all the time. Who is gentle and loving and kind always.  A man who always thinks of what to buy his wife simply to show her how much he loves her. (and pls don't mistake this to materialism or gold-diggers) I am talking about that feeling you get when you can't contain your love for someone that everytime you're out looking at things you feel this overwhelming compelling feeling to show her yet again you love her, and this results in yet another purchase.  A man who gives his wife the freedom to choose the kind of life she wants, to have kids or not, to work or not, to play house or not. What kitchen she wants, living room she wants, bedroom she wants. A man who is willing to discuss things with her all the time and one who holds her opinion in high regard as opposed to insisting on his own opinon as the best.  A man who shares her interests or at least takes interest in what she loves.  A man who makes time for her on a weekly basis "just to talk".  A man who will consider your feelings and not just tell you that's what his mother wishes and she better follow etc.  I am convinced if I took that pool, I won't find even 10 out of 50.  

Having said that of course, the population of nightmarish women are on the rise people! I have met and talked to some very horrendous creatures not fit to be called ladies.  Women who insist on having everything done their way and demand that their man do their bidding or else!?! Women who make it a National Requirement that a man have a car, house and xxxxx in the bank before he can consider going out with you.  I won't say much. You all know who you are. I am disguted enough I cannot go on. 

What is my point really? Is it about marriage? about men? about women? about in laws? What am I talking about? 

You know honestly, there are so many issues and sub-issues within this post, I am not even going to try and figure out what my main point is or try to justify it.  I am just a human being expressing myself and I think there just might be another human being out there who is fenin' feenin' me. 

Peace.

Shortly after I had written this, my friend Amit wrote this on MSN:-

Am!t says:

i think its really quite stupid

Am!t says:

that i had to reach my mid 20s before i realised that happily ever after doesnt exist

Am!t says:

brainwashed by movies sial

Am!t says:

the hero saves the day and gets the girl

Am!t says:

and walks off into the sunset

Am!t says:

THE END

Am!t says:

but in reality

Am!t says:

afer the sunset is the long walk home

Am!t says:

and then the girl has to pee

Am!t says:

and then the guy left his house keys in the car that was blown up by the villian 25 mins ago during the ending of the movie

Am!t says:

then must go home and sleep and deal with each other's 'humaness'

Am!t says:

bueheh

Am!t says:

and then u have to do this for the rest of your life

Am!t says:

doesnt work man

Am!t says:

i mean

Am!t says:

doesnt work woman

Am!t says:

tho i think u shud have the right to ignore ur parents in law if u want to

Am!t says:

keep it completely superficial, meet them twice a year for holidays and thats it the end

Corina says:

agrees

Am!t says:

and yea thats the other thing........ppl keep a bf or gf so they can get laid whenever..........but the way to kill that sex life is to get married

Am!t says:

bueehha

Am!t says:

worse still have a kid

Am!t says:

 Do you kill each other or shoot the other and hang yourself?  <--corina indian families here do this...

Am!t says:

say the husbands goes broke

Am!t says:

he will kill the kids and the wife and then hang himself

Am!t says:

  Yea if these expectations weren't enough to scare me, here comes along MIL who thinkg her son is God's gift to women. 

Am!t says:

i got a feeling many of ur more chinesey readers will not be aware of what u mean to signify with bambino hehe

Am!t says:

u see ah

Am!t says:

u have clearly pointed out that marriage is a hellll of a  lot worse for women than for men

Am!t says:

yet its always the women who r longing to be married

Am!t says:

are they not aware that this is how its gonna be?

Am!t says:

do they really live in a bubble and think that married life is all sex with handsome hubby all the time and iced tea with the bffs at the club and vacations at the end of the year

Am!t says:

i think i told u before right......most of my friends who r married......girls.......are not happy at all

Am!t says:

esp those with kids

Am!t says:

 A man who puts them first in everything and truly loves them with all his heart and mind and soul.  A man who is respectful all the time. Who is gentle and loving and kind always.  A man who always thinks of what to buy his wife simply to show her how much he loves her. <--u do realise this is a lot of work for a guy

Am!t says:

heheh

Am!t says:

it really is expecting a lot

Am!t says:

sure there r guys who do it but u cant get this from most men even if they really do like the girl a lot

Am!t says:

Having said that of course, the population of nightmarish women are on the rise people! I have met and talked to some very horrendous creatures not fit to be called ladies. BUEHAUEHUAHEUAE i was not expecting this u turn

Am!t says:

 I am just a human being expressing myself and I think there just might be another human being out there who is fenin' me. <--fenin or feeling

Corina says:

fenin la

Corina says:

lu tak tau siapa JODECI kah

Corina says:

im gonna copy and post what you have just written lol

Am!t says:

jodeci......the r n b group ah

Am!t says:

from the early 90s

Corina says:

yea

Corina says:

they have a song called

Corina says:

Fenin

Corina says:

cos im Fenin for you

Corina says:

its one of those Black slangs lah

Am!t says:

black ppl always change words around sial

Am!t says:

we shud make our own ahpek slangs man

Am!t says:

and distribute it to our indian brothers and chinese sisters all over US

Corina says:

ya tru dat

Corina says:

but none so far can come close tp the cool ness of them nigga slang words

Am!t says:

what are u going to c&p that i wrote eh

Corina says:

wait ul see

Am!t says:

One guy who took me out on a date was disturbed I didn't know how to use chopsticks and slyly implied that because my name ended with "Tan" I need to learn so I can use it during dinners and functions. 

Am!t says:

wtf  man

Corina says:

ya tell me about it

Am!t says:

u shuda replied i bet u have a cock but if i let u into my bedroom i bet u wont know how to use it either

Corina says:

he was some very highly educated IT fella came out in those high profile magazines all

Corina says:

he he he he

Am!t says:

not very highly educated after all

Corina says:

exactly